In search of permanence

I have recently made the decision to host my own domain and store. Previously, I had been relying on more third-party sources like linktree sites, also sites like Redbubble for selling merch, which often took a larger cut of the profits.

I’ve officially entered my 30s. It seems the older I get, the more these matters hang in my mind, which is natural I suppose. Financial independence yes, definitely, but also the desire to preserve my work in an online space that will be more enduring than sites & services that may disappear - at least with my own domain, it may stand the test of time a little better.

These actions can be summed up concisely as the Fear of Death™.

The fear of being forgotten. For the past decade or so, I’ve been driven by this need to make something. I think it’s why I constantly find myself making large-scale projects, big worlds/settings, and so on. Only recently have I found more peace in simple satisfaction - to not be entirely driven by ambition and to be satisfied with life’s simple pleasures and joys: spending time with friends, enjoying media for its own sake, etc. But it’s a constant tug of war between the two needs.

It is a strange thing to feel like the things you want to leave behind have more inherent worth, or at least more enduring potential than the one who makes it. Whenever presenting myself online, I always gravitate towards disappearing into my work, to let it overshadow me. Because when I am no longer, it is only my work that endures, that hopefully people will remember me by.

That is partly why this site now exists. It exists as a record of my work. It exists as proof that I was here. It exists as a physical imprint of my soul should my body fail.

If, somehow, I am long gone and you are reading this very first blog post, then perhaps in this task I have succeeded. And I hope you find a fruitful journey in the rest of my posts and content here.